first day at work alone. hmm all was alright so far. blogging while at work.. shhhh...
the radio is playing "Walk Away" now there are always songs that will remind you of certain people and the period of time when u always listen to tt song.. this song was a song when i listened everyday when i just broke up with darrell.. could vaguely rem the heartache then
but its so little as compared to wad eugene gave to me. oh well... i doing well now.. just that with hatred for tt basket... heard he got a new gf already uhh... when i heard tt news it was barely 3mths after broke up sehhh..
the day when i heard tt news i was about to go meet oinkoink at ZIRCA we gonna party tt night was with gold shopping at ION.. but i had fun la, dancing with oink and meeting new ppl and asked titu to pei me at club.. i guesssed tt news really affected me cos i drank alot eventually i was drunk. cant really rem wad i did i only rem i cry non stop in cab.. all the nonsense stuff i did i only hear it the next day lols.
u are good......
iloveyou. ❤11:54 AM
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
"ilovemylifenow. vps rocks my world!"
tdy is maya's last day at Fuji.. :( sad sia, cos tml onwards i'll be handling all on my own. hopefully i can fend for myself and fight with tt woman if she ever pushed too much.
hmmm.. haven been blogging so i shall update abit abt my life :)
now im working at a jap company call Fuji Trading pretty near la, at taman jurong there... work kinda alright. more fun with Maya ard but since she is the receptionist im replacing our happy days are limited. :(
been shopping alot lately too... bought many clothes comestics and my FIRST HAVAINAS SLIPPERS! hehes.. gold colour de.. i love it sia!! ex thoughhh :S
now im back to playing warcraft got to play vampire speed and i kinda love it! rofl.. and i met many awesome peeps from v^ps clan ^^ made frens with them and they invited mi into clan. v^ps.Pinky :D
hmmmm come to think of it, i got to know san first bcos he was san_666 and i knew deoriginx haha.. he was trying to get deo's msn from me at tt time.. there after i slowly got to know the rest of v^ps.
my first impression of all of them:
san: very angmoh pai xD stage: dam kajiao sia....... scare me -.- gold: so serious and quiet. i quite scared him. eternity: frenly and likes to talk with me (in private) rofl.
hahas.. den til date, i've went on four vps outings with them ALL ARE DAM FUN! ^^
first outing (16/1) -supposed to meet ass first at PS but i was late lols! and he say he shy hahahaha... went cab to marina sq to watch Spy Next Door! den went to eat at the make ice cream buffet restuarant. hahaha FAT SIA!!!!! but i love the pink ice cream so pretty! ^^
second outing (23/1) -went to play pool at marina sq devil in disguise ^^ jonjon joined us too :D watched tooth fairy i laughed like mad. and kena scared by assssssssss PINCHED HIM by reflex wahahahahaha.....
third outing (30/1) -meet them and titu after i dyed my hair by that shuai ge hairstylist!!!! *faints* took pic with him, BUT KNS its blurry ToT we went to parklane to play lan la... after tt eat Cafe Cartel by gold's request -,- tt rich man made a hole in our pockets :(
fourth outing (6/2) -went ECP to cycle!!! the same 4 ppl as usual. The Heavenly Four! xD gawddddd i finally know how to cycle..! WOOOOOOTS!!!!!!!!!! but i fell 3 times.. :( got 2 bruises n 1 injury ToT but its rewarding when i finally see san n gold GAY tgt xD rofl~!!!!!!! blackmail~blackmail.... *hiekhiekkk* den ds boyboy kip siam my camera wors... hahaha... dam cute sehh~ after tt went to arcade n bowl.. and then walked DAM LONGGGGGGGGGGG to eat at the hawker for dinner.. LOL on the way kena scared by ass's pull-the-leg prank and scared by vps members abt hackers/clan disband thingy... walao dam scary sia.... we happy happy suddenly pua stun to us.. :( den got mickey mouse de jie ban ren appeared sia... tt ass kip imitate Mickey mouse hahahaha dam funny.. esp when he sang Pinky, Pinky......
andd now, im looking forward to out 5th outing on 20 feb... gg k-box as requested by me!! xD lets all enjoy and have as much fun possible before assie left for korea and ns ):
we'll miss you...... ❤ v^ps.Gold v^ps.StaGe. v^ps.San v^ps.Pinky v^ps.Miley ......
iloveyou. ❤4:28 PM
Friday, February 5, 2010
"why when what."
why do you seemed so happy? why don't you feel it? what's holding you back? why am i like this? why am i feeling this way? what will become of us? what am i hoping for? when did i start feeling this way? what should i do...... i got the answer. (:
iloveyou. ❤11:45 AM
Friday, December 4, 2009
"forever ur first fren."
woots! been bz over club stuff and playing badminton.. played on mon and wed. and went to work newspaper on wed after badminton SHAGGED! dam and i earned $57 with a tired body. if only i nv play..... sure can 60 or 70....
ytd i read ycsdy profile.. tears filled my eyes. felt that i could emphathise with him very well since im gg thru something similar... hope he will be happy :)
tdy felt sad again bcos one of my gd fren.. he really scared me.... although i really wish he can change his mind and really wish i could bring him happiness, i wish him to be happy nonetheless.. so i will support him... actually i do feel the same way as he did.. the family feeling is gone.. i hope i can bring it back.... wad we wanted was to be happy in the first place right? im always here for u~
forever my gd fren forever my family~
love ya.
iloveyou. ❤1:15 AM
Saturday, November 28, 2009
"BIKINI CLUB born!"
finally back to blog.. everyone must be bz chionging exams ba.. hahas.. JIAYOUS K? i cant wait to meet all my love ones.. <3
i've made up my mind to quit school.. ME is really not what i want for my life.. its better to end it now den drag.. i do feel its a waste but time for me to plan my life.. i've got support from my family.. happy enough.. i'm looking forward to a new leen. :)
活出我的精彩！
recently created my viwawa club le.. hahas. BIKINI CLUB! woots! really happy to open this club for my best frens in vww.. felt that there's somewhere that i belong to.. and felt really loved too... makes me so much happier.. just like how my dear frens around me cheer me up too..
i'm putting alot effort in da club o~ i love my family!
iloveyou. ❤5:14 AM
Sunday, November 22, 2009
"truth hurts, but it will heal."
ytd was an awful day to begin with.. fought with my mom. yea, physically. my siblings came to help me and im very grateful.. i didnt felt the pain coming from the scratches pulling of hair and slaps. but the pain came after the whole thing in my heart.
i sat at my bed glancing out the window after tt and i felt like a wreck bcos the guy whom had been making me feel better each time i had conflicts with mom, is no longer here for me. hugging his bear, tt was all the comfort i can get. sitting at that very same spot where i'd watch his car left my hse everytime.. it brought me back to that fateful night when i stood there singing Already gone meant for him while he was asleep on my bed. its bcos i could sense he is different and that apart might be a better choice for us.
i really had the urge to sms him at tt time wanted him to comfort me like he had always did but i didnt. i guess i didnt want his pity.
went to visit Aunt and baby siangyi he can walk already! playing with baby really cheered me up alot and i could see aunt really concern abt me she know the breakup would be a hard blow to me.. though she didnt say much.. a pity i didnt take a pic of baby.... thought to myself that he would be happy to see baby grow up le.. wished that he could share the joy but it wun happen.
patched up with mom after dinner..
tdy my beloved ah mei Cheezer came to my hse and surprised me!! :o very happy and we chatted alot hahas.. and she brought Ferrero Roche for me!!!! to jiayous for exam~ ^^ lent her my necklaces for her prom tml i hope she will enjoy herself bcos i know it'd be a big thing.. memories for life leh~ take pics wors, i wan see!! :D thanks ah mei... :) love ya~
tdy brainstormed with Joo Yoon Ken Csh and Tea in viwawa over my club name.. hehs.. so hard sia.. and they are freaking lame! but i like. :D gonna come up with a name fast..... i love my games frens too.. :)
okays.. time to slp.
iloveyou. ❤11:56 PM
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
"i hate myself."
talked to claire in fb.. i guess i was being too paranoid. wronged him and i think too much.
hais.. can i just dun think of him and let go? got more imptt stuff to do.. he is happy now, than so be it. hais.
iloveyou. ❤12:59 AM
Monday, November 16, 2009
"tears pain and hatred."
went to his fb last night happened to see a comment by bettydarling tt he went par tor on 10 nov and he didnt went on to reply her.. i was super disturbed by her comments.. was she just kidding or its real? did he already have a new gf? is he already making merry with some other gal while im here sobbing over our lost love? i really duno if i wan to know the truth....
went to his fb again just now... he said he had a wonderful weekend does he meant gg out with a girl? y he seems sooo much happier now? y must he create fb after we broke up? i know i have no right to forbid him but he always said he is lazy to create in the past no time for fb and fs is enough.. the timing is really not right bcos this aint gg to help me get over him....
i felt so much better a week ago.. haven cried for some time but everything is coming back again... the tears the pain......... cried myself to slp ytd and woke up with a splitting headache... he is driving me crazy!!!!!! i cant focus on my exam!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im beginning to hate him..............
CAN YOU FUCK OFF?!??!?!
iloveyou. ❤5:57 PM
Sunday, November 15, 2009
"leen made her first step."
tdy finally faced the reality wanted to have a fresh start. FINALLY i kept away all our photos displayed in my rm, took off his rings, changed his name in my phonebook, cleared away my wishes in my blog.. its really time to wake up. i really thought tt by doing so i would make myself happier.
but the truth it aint so. still hurts after awhile.. studied for awhile and i started thinking abt our past again.. went to bed trying to slp ended up shedding tears again.. then went online saw serene chen's Bali album got reminded abt the memories overseas with him.. awws...
where can i find happiness?
Thursday 12 Nov (exactly one mth after breakup)
went to shop with cousin and bro at bugis.. i nv really shop just help bro choose his prom shirt den we went to Ion walk walk. stayed at arcade very long cos i wanted ask the uncles help me win the pushiee.. they really very pro!!!
den went to buy transparent bag at OG. hehes... den hao came over to stay over and we crapped the whole night made my own fb quiz and got them to do hahas.. everyone failed. oh well dam happy :)
see their unglam moments! ;p
iloveyou. ❤9:41 PM
Saturday, November 14, 2009
"Time to wake up."
alright. tdy wanted to chiong MOM but kena bombed by my mom freaking annoyed tdy.. and i chatted with bro and yixiang in my rm the chatting was nice and i wish we will be chatting so frankly forever.. after tt i went on to pack my rm.. bad timing as i shld be mugging for exams.. den i threw away a heap of clothes!! but my wardrobe is still FULL! becos i got lots more new ones to hang up.. LOLs.. no more buying!!!! zzzzZ saving for new laptop :D
sometimes i will still miss him and still feel hurt.. but come to think abt it, he hasn't done me any wrong.. i was very sad over the breakup but he wasn't the bad guy... seriously.. i guess ppl got the wrong impression from my blog tt he was the bad guy.. once again, im just sad over the breakup. nth more.
saw his fb profile very pissed by the girls.. were they flirting with him? and he went along with it too!! zZZZzZZZzz flirting tgt. dam this really got me. i knew he is very popular fren.. among both guys and girls.. heard from yixiang tt his colleagues were very pretty cos she saw them at jp once which was pretty long ago.... i started to wonder if he ditched me over some other girl.. i rebute back to my bro saying he wun but i do felt so in a way.. well, i was speaking the truth when i said at least he didnt let me know or else i wouldnt be able to take the truth..
hais.. no more weeping and missing him.. he is enjoying his life now a happier guy than he had been while being with me. i should be happy too..
iloveyou. ❤9:24 PM
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
"29days since he left my life.."
went to starbucks study with huihui
camwhoredd awhile :)
den went for my quiz
and back again to check on her progress on her project :D
after tt went to visit Mask at sportslink.
nice time chatting with him
a pretty gd fren to be with..
went home and play fb
to my greatest surprise,
eugene created Facebook
finally.
kinda affected me alot when i saw all the girls comments
and his status
like a slap on my face.
what am i to do........
i fb everyday
now im afraid
i would keep looking at his profile.
hais
oh well,
i cant speak whatever i want from now on in fb
no more emOo posts.
iloveyou. ❤12:49 AM
Monday, November 9, 2009
"28days since he left my life.."
ytd had mj with bro shuo and lorenzo laughs.. they did occupied me but i still think about him. wonder if he is really out with steve they all wonder wad they doing wonder if they know abt me and him. alright y did i bother...
won $9 in the end and di went back camp then played with liying mei taught her how to play tais. :) den they all stayed over.. lols.. i enjoy their companion :D just as i was abt to fall aslp braden sms me bad timing.
tdy went to collect my specs luhhs :D sad tt liying mei went back home already before the person tell me its ready if not can ask her pei me too so i went with my sis hahas...
My black LEVI'S plastic specs! nerdy look is here now (: and i bought a cap from the pasar malam there too hahas cheapskate leen... weeee~ ^^ *2-wishes-fulfilledd!*
i'll just be myself now.....
just like willard says im free to do anything i want now im free to look at guys and have flings! wahaha :D he led me astray deee~
iloveyou. ❤12:51 AM
Saturday, November 7, 2009
"26days since he left my life."
actually i already expected this to be his ans just abit disappointed
been thinking all day how awkward it would be if we meet up started to regret asking him out kinda hope his ans would be a No. so i decided not to sms him what is his ans if he chose not to sms me i'll just take it as a No.
he said he will be gg out with steve they all glad tt he got program be it true or not. i guess his life is much better without me.
let me go missing from his life for some time til im ready to be his fren only..
iloveyou. ❤3:22 AM
Friday, November 6, 2009
"25days since he left my life..."
Happy birthday eugene...
yes i called him in the end last night. cos i dun like to regret more than i dun like to get hurt. at least if i call, there will be lesser "what ifs" in future...
my heart was racing very fast and it took me some time to pluck up my courage to call him... but he slept alr.. tdy morning woke up by his sms glad tt he replied. den i went back to slp called him when im on my way to sch.. i sat at the busstop for some time took me the whole time from my hse to finally pick up my courage again and called him.. the call only lasted 1min but my heart already beat for a normal 5min times..
i miss his voice...
he said dun worry its just a birthday i know he dun really care abt bday or perhaps its just a nicer way to reject me.. he said see first.. will get back to me.. emo-edd all the way to sch.. i just wanna celeb for him.. not on the actual day somemore... perhaps he is worried abt the awkwardness i oso scared. but im just stubborn.. let me fulfil my wish hao mah?
but actually i dun really mind alot on his ans bcos im relieved at least i tried no room for regret. even if he doesnt want i will respect his decision
再见还是朋友。
after sch went to huihui's hse we have endless to talk abt and she pei me to get a new pair of specs. hahas. trust her taste and i simply love her black levis specs hahas den we are thinking of thai trip in dec.. see how bahh.. cos i wanna save $~
so, what design did i choose? stay in tune~ :)
iloveyou. ❤12:29 AM
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
"24days since he left my life.."
tdy spent a few hours on finding a new blogskin cos i felt i need a change. but the moment i look at this skin after i've made my pick, i couldnt bear to change.. hais. its so hard to let go entirely.. heartaches are back again woes are back again bcos his birthday is just a few days away.. Friday.................
how........
i tried my best to fake i dun care i tried my best to put it away from my mind but im really at a loss. shld i make the call and ask him out.. what if he reject? i will be very very heartbroken.. what if i dun ask? i will regret for not trying... i wonder if he already have programs on fri and sat.. and if we gg to celeb as frens what program? what present to get him? shld i celeb in a group? haiss
okays here's the update
Happy 21st Pingpong dearie and Xiat Fei!
sat went to pingpong's bday chalet hahas.. theme was PURPLE but i got nth tt is purple la.. so i wore a gray cap LOLs. sorry pingpong la.. the chalet was fun of cos played Wii! the food was nice esp the honeydew sago i like it. haha den i babysitted the kids LAUGHHS watched and teached them play Wii they are cute and funny hahahas. i rem got one say Pingpong so oldddd... den i faster stared at him and say "so u are saying im old too!!!" hahas... den he say "no u are not old! " although i tell him im of the same age as pingpong.. hahah OLD PINGPONG~~~ ;p
helped her during the cakecutting session.. i love her auntie who used to CHOPPER to cut cake dam cute ^^ oh my... her guests are freaking alot man..... tsktsk... a sea of ppl hahas.. den i watched how pingpong's frens kajiao and poured water on her hahas.. pretty fun :D
iloveyou. ❤11:38 PM
Saturday, October 31, 2009
"18days since he left my life...."
dreamt of him again. this time, it wasnt the dardar tt i loved. so i wasnt very very sad just thinking of him ba...
smsed him right after i woke up cos tdy Yoga Lin is coming to NTU just wanna let him know. glad tt he replied.
went to sch did c1 tdy lols.. thanks wesley and adrian.. :) bumped into edward very happy for him tt he got A for tech com :D
den rushed to raffles city to celeb Xiatfei's 21st at sushi teh with andrew vic zx zy sf md yinghuey :) this was my first time eating there hehe... i know im lousy -.- den we went to Red Dot to chill and drink! ilovedrinking!!!! ;p i know im lousy drinker so i only drank 1 pint. ;p
and im sorry tt xf failed his tp too i know how it felt. dam sian diaoz de lorhh lets jiayou. :) i die die must pass on 2nd tp!!! *ROARS*
i really dread it as november approaches... this wasnt wad it was supposed to be like... what shld i do......? :(
iloveyou. ❤3:07 AM
Thursday, October 29, 2009
"17days since he left my life.."
i dreamt of him again.
didnt wan to wake up really.. not bcos i miss tt him in my dream but bcos the pain was too much after i wake up. cried to slp last night woke up crying again.
can u just go? stop haunting me stop reminding me i still miss u alot. i cant focus on anything now.. im very very very tired..............
iloveyou. ❤11:26 AM
"16days since he left my life.."
doing my lab report. dam siannnnnzzzzzzz....
hais.. tdy i did smth stupid again.. eugene smsed me on sat but he nv replied me.. i fought back the urge to sms him to get him reply me, for these 3days.....
but i couldnt hold myself back tdy smsed him to see whats the title again yet he nv reply again. smsed him once more asking him to listen to 坦白 by Elva no reply once again.
hais.. y am i so stupid??? y cant i be more firm??? y do i wan to slap myself with my own hands???? y is he so cruel?? is he trying to make me give up totally?
i really felt utterly stupid bcos i already knew this gonna happen yet i still insist tt miracle might happen.. am i still trying to get him back??! leen U ARE SO STUPIDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i really thought im getting better now yet im demoralised once again. y i still cant get him outta my head?!?!? leave meee aloneeeee............ ^$%#$^%%&&%^
i hate this shit. tt all came from u.
iloveyou. ❤1:45 AM
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
"15days since he left my life.."
ytd went safra for k with my dearies.. pretty surprised tt jeff is the super there.. well singing was enjoyable of cos.. jeff free us one more drink each so i had tequila sprite and bourbon coke.. i like drinking~ ^^ den dearies gotta rush for last bus so left me and oink haha we sang til almost 1am.. i sang 失落沙洲 til i couldnt sing due to the choking by the tears.. hais..
den very funny, me n oink wanted to walk home de but in the end, the cockroaches and rats terrified us and we changed our mind hahaha.. oink stepped on one!!!!! i laughed until siao...... LOLSSSS i love my bestie oink! :) went to bed and fell aslp very fast. i like it. alcohols do help insomnia. :D
okays den tdy i chatted with huihui and met darrell for dinner. i am really glad we met up bcos tdy i wasnt really in one of the better mood. the long walk home did lighten my spirit..
this isnt the end right? i can survive without him i've already did for these few days.. im fortunate enough to have the memories.. loving doesnt mean owning it. there's so much things i ought to do and i wanna do so why waste my time? i dun need his love i dun need love for now i need my family and frens!
hmmmmm i've been thinking what to do with my hair.. i need a change!!! considering cutting to very short and punky. wanna try a cool image ;p or mayb a big curls since my hair is so long now... and the colour! considering blue or red or hazel brown.
any suggestions? (:
iloveyou. ❤11:31 PM
Monday, October 26, 2009
"13days since he left my life....."
today has been an emO day. woke up feeling very upset i've dreamt of him again... been dreaming of him for these few days.. its the fourth day already.. i really wish not to wake up and stay in his embrace forever.. i had so much urge to sms him telling him that i've dreamt him again and if he did so too..... i miss him very much...
the guy i saw in the dream is the dardar that i've been longing to come back.. where are you now....?!? T^T
went to tuition and braden wanted to meet me god must be making a fool of me.. i've always been waiting for eugene to sms me. just when i thought its a reply from braden, he finally smsed me.
he told me 933 playing jay's new duet with a girl. the same way he always did. except w/o "dear"..
i had many thoughts and mixed feeling at tt instant happy tt i finally get what i've be waiting.. he smsed me. see the hope tt im still someone to him.. happy tt he nv forget me.. sad that we are no longer the same as before anymore..
then braden wanted to give me a ride after we met up but i insisted not to sit on his bike. not bcos i dun dare just tt i dun wish face the memories i had with eugene.... i must admit tt i am selfish i wish to keep my bike-riding memories exclusive between me and him... noone else..
i was very sad in the end bcos he nv reply my sms after tt. i only asked for the title, y didnt he reply?!?! :( at night i went out with parents on the way to bugis on my dad's car, many songs reminded me of him....... 香水有毒，全世界都停了电
我们有太多太多的回忆了。。
y he smsed me abt tt? does he still have the urge to share anything interesting with me right away and wan me to pei him enjoy? its just like i did last week.. but i didnt dare to sms him tt day......... am i still the one closest to his heart?
i really wish he will continue like tt to me.. this little happiness is sufficient to keep me going..
pls dun let me vanish from ur life.......................... i dun need to be the one holding ur hand, i dun need to be the one you love, i just wanna be here for you............. even if you let go now, im still willing to dry out all my love on you.
i miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .....do you??
iloveyou. ❤1:42 AM
Sunday, October 25, 2009
"12days since he left my life..."
i hate saturdays..
it nv fail to remind me he is gone...
its really hard to be strong.. now i could ustd her for not being able to let go so easily..
every night as i hug xiaoeugene, i felt very heartache.. i could see tt image of him hugging xiaoeugene and slp on my bed.. how could he leave me like tt.. how could the love be gone just like tt.. how could he forget everything tt we went thru..
when i just met him, i was only 18... our love witnessed our growth since then.. everything he had done for me i never once forget.. he gave me the taste of sweet sweet love.. and i was greedy and wanted the taste of everlasting love.... my greatest wish was to grow old with him tgt.... hais..
am i really wrong tt everlasting love do exist? i really really wish for the warmth to come back to me... but it nv will.. can i forget him and still love again? can i truly let go and not wait for him?
dardar i miss you... that old you....................
iloveyou. ❤3:09 AM
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
"9days since he left my life..."
i failed my TP tdy... i striked kerb for the first time in my driving... turn left too early when i wanna come out for directional change.. sensed smthing weird but i nv realised it striked kerb. nv tried before so idk its like tt.. hais.. den i chiong too fast when turning left at road junction during on road.. den last min brake and stop over the white line cos got a fast van approaching... its my fault.. i nv slow down enough.. if i nv brake we sure accident.. hais....... i thought i can one time pass de cos i dint know strike kerb 10pts. zzzzz very sad actually cos im really confident tt i can one time pass.. my on-road is zai liao de.. parking oso.. y i make so stupid a mistake.. somemore i tio gd tester and easy route 9. haiss..... didnt really wanna show my sadness when pingpong came to pei me so i laughed and joke at my mistakes.. LOLs..
but there's someone whom i really wanna tell him im sad... someone whom i always show my true feelings to.. someone whom he had always been by my side.. i was feeling better when i received his sms.. but i couldnt bring myself to reply his sms.. bcos i din wan to show the weak me to him le...
i've been online at my sch lib til now.. and he is online all the while too... i really wanted to msn him tell him how sad i am.. tell him how stupid i felt, wanted him to comfort me... but i couldnt bring myself to type after opening the window.... i see the weakling in me.
he is still the dearest to my heart after so muchh.....
iloveyou. ❤3:59 PM
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
"8days since he left my life.."
last night i called eugene after i blogged. but he nv pick up.. sad. nxt morning woke up by his sms.. so he was alr aslp last night... den i went back to slp with abit heart ached den i woke up again later to reply him... was pretty surprised cos we smsed abit and it was nice.. hais.. i really do miss him. i miss him but i do know what's best for us.... im contented tt we are still frens :) he wished me luck for tml tp.. i will jiayou dee~ i know he is very bz lately.. hope he will takekaire of himself.. dun work too hard wor...
den tdy afternoon went to get mc.. for hrm test before gg for my circuit..
WISH ME LUCK FOR TML's DRIVING TP!! I WANNA PASS!
Agnes Carlsson - Release Me Release me Release my body I know it's wrong So why am I with you now I say release me 'Cause I'm not able to Convince myself That I'm better off without you
Yeah, it's perfectly clear That love's not what you need I tell you I don't care But I don't want to Anything that you say I hear myself agree And I don't recognize What i've turned into
I don't know why I want you so' Cause I don't need the heart break I don't know what addictive hold You have on me I can't shake No, I'm not in control So let me go
Release me Release my body I know it's wrong So why do I keep coming back I say release me 'Cause I'm not able to Convince myself That I'm better off without you
I could sleep by myself I would burn me alive Find me somebody else But I don't want to Try to leave out the love That goes against the game But I can rationalize it If I have to
iloveyou. ❤11:53 PM
Monday, October 19, 2009
"1week since he left my life..."
these few days i felt alot better... haven contacted him since wed.. i guess i've sorted out my thoughts esp after talking to claire... although i still miss him and think of him at times.. but the tears dun really come now... the heart pain is not as pain now... and i feel im stronger now...
dun cry bcos its over, smile bcos it happened. :)
i'm gg to improve myself.. be someone better each time and worth being loved more when the right guy comes.. gonna be a better girl.. cook, bake, clever, sensitive, more independent abit (i still wish to be a "small woman" :3) and pretty hahahas... and cherish my frens more... i wanna learn yoga and piano ;p i wanna put braces i wanna become fairer i wanna be me again. :D
actually im very grateful to him.. bcos i've really learnt alot from him.. not only r/s, but oso many things in life.. im better in appreciating cars and bikes now.. hahas..
i sat at bukit gombak watching cars tdy while waiting for my driving lesson.. been thinking wad will be my dream car after i get my license? ;p my first thought is Black Jazz.. Lols. *slapps* then i saw a car tt went past. i love tt. Black Mazda 2!! ^^ tt will be my aim for now. hahas... im not greedy de lo.
tdy my aunt called me.. i was very surprised and she wanted me to help her ask eugene abt something.. i was pretty upset when she talked abt him.. i felt bad cos she still duno abt us..... my eyes got wet but i din cry.. not gg to cry in public like crazy again le... so i told her the truth. but im gg to help her ask him nonetheless.. i couldnt bring myself to call him the whole day... i duno y.. perhaps bcos he still has a big influence on me.. so im afraid tt i might lose my strength after contacting him.. could still recall how badly i cried after i called him on wed. hais.. mayb i'll call him later.
last night i msn with david he mentioned smth abt perhaps eugene got read my blog. actually, i've been blogging for myself, and dedicating some words tt i wish to say to him but can nv ever say to him already.. there's really alot of things i wish to tell him..... let me just let it out here bahh.. im sure he wun read my blog anyway. since he couldnt even be bothered to do so back then when im his gf..
met up with huihui at night ytd for dinner at jp she wasnt in her best mood and im there for her :) been feeling pretty positive ytd so i wish to cheer her up too.. we chatted til our last bus hahaha and i ran after mine... got home super late and bushed. =x
to that someone out there.. whom we are meant to be tgt.... i'll be here waiting for you... to bring me out of this rut and show me the meaning of everlasting love... i'm waiting....
iloveyou. ❤11:22 PM
Sunday, October 18, 2009
"5days since he left me...."
each time i read my older posts... i felt very very heartached. i still couldnt accept this fact.. why did this happen so fast? there's so much things i wanna do with him and have yet to fulfil.. i was alr planning for his bday... was alr saving money for us... i cant forget all the things we've done tgt... many of those are my first time experience.. will he still rem them....?? i know for sure i will.
we said we gonna travel the world tgt annually.. we said we gonna have a dog in future.. he said he gonna let me drive his car when i pass my driving exam.. he said...... so many things tt i dun wish to go on.....
at many times, i would stare and wonder what he is doing right now.. just like i did last night.
(Friday 16 Oct 09) i was with my dearies til 12.. chatted with oinkoink at her busstop til 1am.. i eventually teared infront of her.. really didnt want tt to happen bcos i need to be strong... i dun wan my dearies to worry me. at tt time, i had e urge to sms eugene cos i know at tt time he would be with Ahloo betty they all and talk cock til 2-3am.. hais.. wanted to sms him if he can spend sat with me. cos i really dread sat now.. as the old happily anticipating emotion of gonna see him again is gone.
luckily i din.. elson called me and we chatted til gg 4am.. just before i slp the same qn popped up again is he aslp now or still with them? im very jealous of them for having his companion.. for being more imptt than me..
(Saturday 17 Oct 09) tdy was very upsetting day.. bcos this is the first sat without him in my life officially.. NOT the first sat when we dun spend time tgt though. but it just felt so different... i kept thinking if he felt just as uncomfortable as i do.. wonder what would his program be without me now.....
lately, the weather has been like my mood.. heaven seems to know tt my heart is bleeding my eyes are tearing.. so rain came to comfort me and share my pain with me... i've been wearing jacket all these days.. wearing pants to slp instead of my pyjamas.. its not bcos of the weather, its bcos im feeling real cold inside. i feel so lonely, so unwanted, far away from his warmth.
i could still rem i dun have the need for jacket in the past even if im scantily dressed and the movie theatre is freaking dam cold.
i've been in a dilemma bcos i really wish to spend his bday with him.. i admit tt i do hope tt this can bring him back.... but i know he wun.. i've also been giving myself some hope.. hoping tt he would come back to me after he realise im still the best... hoping tt he had enough of freedom and ready for settling down...
but now i know, instead of burying myself in all these false hope i should brace myself up and be a better me... be a girl worthy for someone's love...
thanks claire for being here for me.. and elson and korkor and twinnie and jonathan "hubby"...
....
i'm sorry tt i've caused you agony.. i love you so im letting you go.. to be that old happy you tt i fell for from the very start.. to free you and find someone better..
i'll be strong, and move on...
iloveyou. ❤12:52 AM
She is..
EILEEN.
5 July.
twenty-one.
single.
Her loves
frens and family.
pinkFREAK.
chocLOVER.
stars.
flowers.
◕ everlastinqq lOve! ❤
◕ my guardian angel! ❤
◕ Burberry wallet!
◕ LV or Burberry handbag!
◕ transparent bag!
◕ THAT long punk boots!
◕ a RED high heels!
◕ first air flight!
◕ good exam results!
◕ braces
◕ new lappie!
◕ new specs!
◕ new ADIDAS or NIKE bag!
◕ own digicam!
◕ new hp!
◕ new jeans!
◕ sweet cap!
◕ THAT black ADIDAS jacket!
◕ ear piercings!
◕ bikini!
◕ own mini hi5!
◕ new off shoulder top!
◕ leather sch bag!
◕ special 21st bday!
